When I bonged out of uni at the age of 21, a job at a ski resort sounded like a lot of fun! I didn’t know at the time, that this would be my first geographical. It would also be the first of eight ski resort employment swings. It would also be the first of eight “Dry July” attempts. No booze, no ciggies, no weed, no drugs, no porn and no procrastination for a whole month! But also nothing to replace any of those old behaviours with.
The results were always the same. As soon as I would put it all down my life would improve out of sight. Financially, romantically, physically, emotionally, spiritually. My sleep, my relationship with my parents would improve and my workplace loved me. But, inevitably the first of August would roll around and I would essentially spend the next eleven months on a huge bender making up for lost time.
At first it was fun, then it was fun with consequences, then it was only consequences.
While my peers continued to progress through life as young men should, I just seemed to not mature in the same way. I would later learn that alcoholism “arrests you emotionally”.
On the surface I had carved out a career in the tourism/hospitality industry. I ended up working in a variety of environments from National Parks, ski resorts, caravan parks and tropical islands. Always in a property or maintenance and I even ended up in a Management Role! I was “livin’ the dream” right? Wrong. I was miserable. And no matter how hard I tried I could never get wasted enough.
All of the typical things that happen to a young man in addiction happened to me. Run-ins with the law, relationship break-downs, financial instability and physical injury. One day I was snow-boarding while on a bender, I tore the ACL ligament in my knee and headed straight to the operating table. That was the end of that season… and that Dry July attempt. Six months later I was arrested for high range drink driving and lost my license for 5 years.
I went to rehab to look better for the judge in court. I wasn’t an alcoholic. I just liked watching the State of Origin and having a few beers on the other 364 days per year. I left rehab, went back to another ski resort and tried another “Dry July” attempt. I lasted four months! I had just quadrupled my last previous Personal Best. One afternoon in Spring I had a little beer. This kicked off the worst 15 month bender I have ever been on. My drinking wasn’t great on the way into rehab, it was a lot worse on the way out. I was drink driving on the way to community service every day… for my drink driving charge. Looking back it was obvious I had no God and no purpose in my life.
Finally, without any other cards up my sleeve, I walked back into a 12-step fellowship meeting. And I have been clean and sober ever since. That was in 2019.
The only thing I had to change was everything. All the typical things that happen to a young man in recovery happened to me. I got my life back, my ambition, my will to live and my self respect. I forged a new career in the Mental Health industry. I have bought a 1 bedroom unit. I have run a marathon. I got my license back and I bought a big shiny 4×4.
These days I don’t even flinch when I see cops! I have lost two grandparents in recovery. I have had romantic relationships come and go, financial gains and financial losses. Handshake agreements that have fallen through and “start on Monday” job opportunities vanish without a trace. And I have stayed sober through all of it. With the help of the fellowship, my Higher Power of my understanding, my sponsor and the steps. I have a different set of knee-jerk reactions when things don’t go my way.
I am currently making steps to open my own sober living facility. Combining my two skill sets of Resort Management and Mental Health with my personal experience in Relapse Prevention. I’m determined to change the drinking culture for men in this country including the stigma around addiction and recovery.
There is nothing else I could be doing. There is no Plan B, and there never was.