Where to begin… Well from a young age I was living in a house with a lot of arguments. I learnt very early on how to be a victim, how to make others feel guilty and best of all, how to seek validation. When I found alcohol, it was the final piece.
At 19 I split with my girlfriend and daughter and of course it involved alcohol. It was also the first time the words “you need to get help” were said.
Drinking wasn’t an everyday occurrence for me at this time. Looking back, once a month something would happen, whether it be kicked out of a club, starting a fight or just being arrogant. I starting using terms like “well if I don’t get to see my daughter, it’s because I don’t know who my father is.” It was basically everyone’s fault, but the alcohol.
I started drinking daily around 13 years ago. I was a binge drinker and just couldn’t stop. I was quite content; I’d had periods of sobriety but would always come back to alcohol. I met my wife, and we had an amazing first few years together. We loved drinking together and we made the decision to move to Australia. When we arrived, I just let loose and was young again. I was becoming more and more aggressive, always attending doctors appointments saying I need something for the drink. I was out of control, my wife stayed with me, I think out of pity as we now had three children. I was no longer reliable, trusted, or even taken seriously and as always it wasn’t my fault, it was my wife’s because of something… I lose track of the lies about money, the binges, and the debt we were in.
Start of 2023 I had a month of no drinking, then I stole from my children’s money boxes and drank again. The best thing I remember is arriving at the warehouse in Perth then being transported to the magistrates in Rockingham. It was here that it hit me what I had done.
I went home and drank and just kept on drinking until the police arrived. There was a Family Violence Restraining Order placed against me, the next two days are still a blur. What I remember so clearly is one Friday evening I had decided to end it all. I was homeless and nobody was there, I went through with my plan, but survived.
At that moment I got to the Emergency Department, I did not look back. Something in me was saying enough, keep moving forward, and that’s what I did. I arrived in a rehab, and this is where I found a 12-step program. This would prove to be life changing and still is today!
I have surrounded myself with people who understand what it’s like to be an alcoholic or addict. These people have helped me have acceptance in my life. We are trapped in a prison of torment and pain.
What I know now is that the Family Violence Restraining Order set me on my journey and when I survived my suicide attempt, I was free from my prison.
The main thing that baffles me the most is why our society hides from alcohol abuse and drug addiction. I can never make anybody stop drinking, but we can plant a seed. As families we are quick to judge and just say “stop drinking then”. I believe families, schools and workplaces all need to be educated in safe places to go from 12 step programs, zoom meetings etc.
In my new sobriety I’ve been able to talk openly and free about being an alcoholic. I have my boss’s information if they ever come across anybody who suspect might be struggling with addiction. I chose to be open because I have put myself through enough pain of thinking I’m not enough.
I’ve been given the opportunity to do service as a public informant for my program and I love it. We talk on radio, we are guest speakers at different organisations. Even this AODCCC is real, it’s telling the truth. Because I’ve been open, I’ve been able to have my family on this journey with me, my wife has seen another side now and will help anyone, especially families who have addiction in the house. Having a family, we do plan ahead, but for my sobriety I never plan further than a day as I’m only given a daily reprieve. It can’t change overnight but it can change one day at a time.