AODCCC Member Story Sharing
In this safe space, those with a lived and/or living experience of alcohol and other drugs share their stories and life experiences for others to read, in an attempt to change the conversation and look beyond stigma.
Please be aware that the stories below may explore topics that could be distressing to some readers. If you feel in need of some support, please visit our resources page for a full list of supports available to you.
Grace if I Stumble
Five years ago, my father died, and three years ago I was living in my car.
While one traumatic experience can be enough for someone with limited support systems to spiral downwards, I have had the bonus of a lifetime of intergenerational exposure to alcohol and other drugs used as a self-medication tool, in a society where access to mental health support for those with a low socioeconomic status is extremely difficult.
My own parents presented well, however, my mother had severe lifelong dependence on alcohol to deal with her own demons, which saw her die way too early, 16 years ago at the age of 61. Acute alcohol dependency was listed on her death certificate, and I make it a point to tell people this, because despite the programs in place, she didn’t fit the mould of someone with a problem and the damage done by alcohol went unchecked. It killed her because she was so good at presenting well.
My father was what I call a state sanctioned consumer of drugs, in that, because of his acquired brain injury, he was prescribed a high amount of pain killers and sleeping medication that he continued to take over decades without regular formal review by the medical profession. At last review, before he died, he was getting multiple scripts for various painkillers and benzos with multiple repeats. And yet, he worked 6 days a week, attended church, owned his home and was an active and involved parent. He presented well.
My experience growing up was that you just get on with things, you don’t talk about it, you numb the pain and the hurt and carry on. And this works, if you continue to present well. Nobody suspected or was concerned for me and my own use of drugs, prescribed or otherwise, when I was keeping a tidy house, working, attending university and looking after my children, father and in-laws.
Sometimes, however, it just takes one tragedy for the wheels to come off.
The worse things got, the more I had to hide how I was coping because every single consumer of drugs and alcohol that I have ever met knows the universal truth – once you admit to what you’re doing to get by, you lose all credibility.
The empathy and concern fade from the eyes of every health professional you talk to because you caused this yourself. It’s your own fault that you are in a domestic violence situation, it’s an unlikely story that you can’t get out of bed, or stop crying, that you can’t focus on what you need to do day-to-day let alone what is coming. Despite a housing crisis, it is your fault you are homeless. Your unrelated medical conditions that are causing you pain are irrelevant because you’re clearly not helping yourself. So, with no other options, you continue to help yourself to keep going the only way you know how and the cycle continues.
That is how damaging stigma is, because not only does the outside world judge you, but you also judge yourself, and you absorb all the shame and self-hatred because everyone else tells you that you caused this and that you can’t be helped and are not to be trusted.
My own redemption with AOD use was using the mantra used often in mental health:
Act – Belong – Commit
Part of my healing journey has been actively fighting stigma by acknowledging that my past is not a dirty secret – it may not be pretty, but it is my lived experience.
My worth as a person is not measured by the decisions I have made.
Once I knew better, I did better.
Slowly, but surely, I did better, finding ways to make connections with others so I felt less alone, replacing old survival instincts with a better toolkit of protective strategies. Allowing myself grace if I stumble, committing to doing my best to stay on track.
Beauty in the Dark
My addiction started when I was 5….. With books!! My earliest memories of me in childhood are majority of me with my head buried in books. I didn’t know it then, but I used books as a way to escape. I escaped the chaotic, noisy and unstable childhood I had. I wanted to numb the feelings of not being good enough and fantasise about a different life and world. Constantly moving houses and states really affected my core beliefs and self-esteem. Along with my parents always screaming at us kids.
Fast forward to 12 when one of the biggest traumatic experiences happened. My beautiful and closest member of my family died from suicide. I remember the night the police knocked, after dinner and I opened the door.
The grief I experienced was nothing I’d ever felt before and I didn’t know how to express it. I don’t remember getting any counselling and it wasn’t easy to talk to my parents. My parent’s way of grieving was to take us to another country for 6 months. The distraction was good but once back, the anger I felt came and was overwhelming. I started to run away from home.
Full of anger and rebellion and blaming myself a lot for not reaching out to my sister I started breaking the law. At first it felt exciting but soon I was blamed as the ringleader. I went to children’s court, and I vividly remember my mum telling the judge that ‘she washes my hands clean of me”. I felt so alone and unlovable. I went in and out of juvie and often got bailed to youth hostels. There was so little support back then, I really feel like the system failed me.
My love affair with alcohol started at this age and it felt amazing. Because I grew up with children should be seen and not heard, I suppressed my emotions and they could come out when I was drunk. Alcohol gave me confidence and I’d hang out with the older crowd. I was always wanting the older men to “save” me. Which came with its own set of trauma.
At 17 I tried meth. Smoking it back then made me talk all night and connect with others. I got to talk about my problems and get it all out whilst not getting in as much trouble as alcohol caused me. I felt like I fit in somewhere and belonged. Like a secret society. It wasn’t long I was hooked. For 17 years I was on and off in addiction, but I always had a little voice that would say “I want more than this life”. So much happened in those 17 years I could literally write a book!! What I will say is those years were filled with a lot of pain, suffering and trauma. Jail sentences, Violent assaults from partners, working in the adult entertainment industry, losing more close people to suicide, and the absolute worst and agonising pain of not seeing my child for 8 long years. So many times, I would clean myself up and try again with life. But it was hard and lonely. I cannot believe the destruction I caused to myself and others when in active addiction. It was a vicious cycle of shame and grief.
I was at rock bottom in prison when I decided enough was ENNOUGH!! I found an amazing book called “you can heal your life” by Louise L Hay and slowly started building my self-esteem. I sought trauma counselling, AOD counselling, participated in education and programs and even completed the pathways program on my own.
Since then, I have had many ups and a couple of downs, but I continue to pick myself up and move forward. I have attended rehab, group therapy, hypnotherapy, EMDR therapy and 1 on 1 counselling. I have surrounded myself with people who are in recovery or are healthy supportive people. I have completed education and got qualifications so that I can help others and be of service which helps me stay on track.
I am currently using my voice to help make change with others at the AODCCC who have been paramount to building my confidence, through workshops and training, being an active reference group member, informed of opportunities within the sector via their newsletter but most of all feeling accepted and encouraged by all staff. I am so grateful for joining the AODCCC and being a part of a community that supports, fights for change and heals.
I Found My Purpose... It Wasn't Lost
When I bonged out of uni at the age of 21, a job at a ski resort sounded like a lot of fun! I didn’t know at the time, that this would be my first geographical. It would also be the first of eight ski resort employment swings. It would also be the first of eight “Dry July” attempts. No booze, no ciggies, no weed, no drugs, no porn and no procrastination for a whole month! But also nothing to replace any of those old behaviours with.
The results were always the same. As soon as I would put it all down my life would improve out of sight. Financially, romantically, physically, emotionally, spiritually. My sleep, my relationship with my parents would improve and my workplace loved me. But, inevitably the first of August would roll around and I would essentially spend the next eleven months on a huge bender making up for lost time.
At first it was fun, then it was fun with consequences, then it was only consequences.
While my peers continued to progress through life as young men should, I just seemed to not mature in the same way. I would later learn that alcoholism “arrests you emotionally”.
On the surface I had carved out a career in the tourism/hospitality industry. I ended up working in a variety of environments from National Parks, ski resorts, caravan parks and tropical islands. Always in a property or maintenance and I even ended up in a Management Role! I was “livin’ the dream” right? Wrong. I was miserable. And no matter how hard I tried I could never get wasted enough.
All of the typical things that happen to a young man in addiction happened to me. Run-ins with the law, relationship break-downs, financial instability and physical injury. One day I was snow-boarding while on a bender, I tore the ACL ligament in my knee and headed straight to the operating table. That was the end of that season… and that Dry July attempt. Six months later I was arrested for high range drink driving and lost my license for 5 years.
I went to rehab to look better for the judge in court. I wasn’t an alcoholic. I just liked watching the State of Origin and having a few beers on the other 364 days per year. I left rehab, went back to another ski resort and tried another “Dry July” attempt. I lasted four months! I had just quadrupled my last previous Personal Best. One afternoon in Spring I had a little beer. This kicked off the worst 15 month bender I have ever been on. My drinking wasn’t great on the way into rehab, it was a lot worse on the way out. I was drink driving on the way to community service every day… for my drink driving charge. Looking back it was obvious I had no God and no purpose in my life.
Finally, without any other cards up my sleeve, I walked back into a 12-step fellowship meeting. And I have been clean and sober ever since. That was in 2019.
The only thing I had to change was everything. All the typical things that happen to a young man in recovery happened to me. I got my life back, my ambition, my will to live and my self respect. I forged a new career in the Mental Health industry. I have bought a 1 bedroom unit. I have run a marathon. I got my license back and I bought a big shiny 4×4.
These days I don’t even flinch when I see cops! I have lost two grandparents in recovery. I have had romantic relationships come and go, financial gains and financial losses. Handshake agreements that have fallen through and “start on Monday” job opportunities vanish without a trace. And I have stayed sober through all of it. With the help of the fellowship, my Higher Power of my understanding, my sponsor and the steps. I have a different set of knee-jerk reactions when things don’t go my way.
I am currently making steps to open my own sober living facility. Combining my two skill sets of Resort Management and Mental Health with my personal experience in Relapse Prevention. I’m determined to change the drinking culture for men in this country including the stigma around addiction and recovery.
There is nothing else I could be doing. There is no Plan B, and there never was.
From Rock Bottom to Recovery: A Journey of Transformation
There was a time when my life felt stable – anchored by a relationship and a clear sense of direction. But when that relationship ended, my world collapsed. The emotional devastation was overwhelming, and I was left questioning my identity and purpose. In my grief, I turned to alcohol and drugs for solace. What started to numb the pain quickly spiraled into a dependency that consumed every part of my life.
As addiction took hold, I lost my job, relationships, and eventually, my home. Homelessness became my reality, and with it came a profound sense of loneliness and shame. The streets were harsh, amplifying the emotional wounds I carried. My days revolved around survival, with substances offering brief, fleeting comfort in an otherwise unforgiving existence.
Over time, my physical and mental health deteriorated. Hospitalisations became routine—I was admitted 12 times due to overdoses and health crises caused by substance abuse. Each discharge brought me back to the same destructive cycle. I felt trapped, unable to see a way out, and convinced that my life would never improve.
My breaking point came when I confronted the stark reality of my situation. Looking in the mirror one day, I saw not only the damage I had done to myself but also a glimmer of hope. For the first time in years, I felt a spark of determination to change. Hitting rock bottom, I realised I could no longer live this way.
In that moment of clarity, I decided to rebuild my life. Education became my beacon of hope – a pathway to reclaiming control and purpose. It was not just about gaining knowledge; it was about healing, understanding myself, and creating a foundation for the future.
Returning to my studies was a transformative step. Through learning, I gained insight into mental health, addiction, and trauma. This newfound knowledge helped me make sense of my struggles and gave me the tools to confront them. Education was not merely academic; it was deeply personal, providing me with the framework to navigate recovery and growth.
As I progressed, I found empowerment in understanding my emotions and patterns of behaviour. My studies taught me to replace shame with self-compassion and to view my experiences not as failures but as opportunities for growth. Education became a lifeline, offering structure, purpose, and hope when I needed it most.
Recovery was not easy, but it was worth every effort. With the support of therapists, support groups, and my renewed focus on education, I began to rebuild my life. Setting small, achievable goals helped me gain momentum, and over time I established stability.
My lived experience became a source of strength. I started volunteering to support others facing addiction and homelessness. Sharing my story helped reduce stigma and offered hope to those in similar situations. It also deepened my healing, proving that our struggles can be powerful tools for connection and transformation.
As my confidence grew, so did my desire to advocate for systemic change. I partnered with organisations addressing addiction and homelessness, using my voice to challenge misconceptions about these issues. My goal was to show that recovery is possible and that those struggling are not defined by their circumstances but by their resilience and potential.
Through advocacy, I found purpose and meaning. My past no longer felt like a source of shame but a testament to my strength and determination to help others.
Today, I stand as proof that transformation is possible. I have stable housing, and my addiction no longer controls my life. I am pursuing my studies with passion and working toward a career in the mental health and community services sector.
My journey is a reminder that even in our darkest moments, change is possible. Education, support, and determination were the keys to my recovery, and they can be for anyone willing to take the first step.
To those who feel lost, know that there is always hope. The road to recovery is not easy, but it is worth it. You are stronger than you realise, and your future can be brighter than you ever imagined.
Free from Prison
Where to begin… Well from a young age I was living in a house with a lot of arguments. I learnt very early on how to be a victim, how to make others feel guilty and best of all, how to seek validation. When I found alcohol, it was the final piece.
At 19 I split with my girlfriend and daughter and of course it involved alcohol. It was also the first time the words “you need to get help” were said.
Drinking wasn’t an everyday occurrence for me at this time. Looking back, once a month something would happen, whether it be kicked out of a club, starting a fight or just being arrogant. I starting using terms like “well if I don’t get to see my daughter, it’s because I don’t know who my father is.” It was basically everyone’s fault, but the alcohol.
I started drinking daily around 13 years ago. I was a binge drinker and just couldn’t stop. I was quite content; I’d had periods of sobriety but would always come back to alcohol. I met my wife, and we had an amazing first few years together. We loved drinking together and we made the decision to move to Australia. When we arrived, I just let loose and was young again. I was becoming more and more aggressive, always attending doctors appointments saying I need something for the drink. I was out of control, my wife stayed with me, I think out of pity as we now had three children. I was no longer reliable, trusted, or even taken seriously and as always it wasn’t my fault, it was my wife’s because of something… I lose track of the lies about money, the binges, and the debt we were in.
Start of 2023 I had a month of no drinking, then I stole from my children’s money boxes and drank again. The best thing I remember is arriving at the warehouse in Perth then being transported to the magistrates in Rockingham. It was here that it hit me what I had done.
I went home and drank and just kept on drinking until the police arrived. There was a Family Violence Restraining Order placed against me, the next two days are still a blur. What I remember so clearly is one Friday evening I had decided to end it all. I was homeless and nobody was there, I went through with my plan, but survived.
At that moment I got to the Emergency Department, I did not look back. Something in me was saying enough, keep moving forward, and that’s what I did. I arrived in a rehab, and this is where I found a 12-step program. This would prove to be life changing and still is today!
I have surrounded myself with people who understand what it’s like to be an alcoholic or addict. These people have helped me have acceptance in my life. We are trapped in a prison of torment and pain.
What I know now is that the Family Violence Restraining Order set me on my journey and when I survived my suicide attempt, I was free from my prison.
The main thing that baffles me the most is why our society hides from alcohol abuse and drug addiction. I can never make anybody stop drinking, but we can plant a seed. As families we are quick to judge and just say “stop drinking then”. I believe families, schools and workplaces all need to be educated in safe places to go from 12 step programs, zoom meetings etc.
In my new sobriety I’ve been able to talk openly and free about being an alcoholic. I have my boss’s information if they ever come across anybody who suspect might be struggling with addiction. I chose to be open because I have put myself through enough pain of thinking I’m not enough.
I’ve been given the opportunity to do service as a public informant for my program and I love it. We talk on radio, we are guest speakers at different organisations. Even this AODCCC is real, it’s telling the truth. Because I’ve been open, I’ve been able to have my family on this journey with me, my wife has seen another side now and will help anyone, especially families who have addiction in the house. Having a family, we do plan ahead, but for my sobriety I never plan further than a day as I’m only given a daily reprieve. It can’t change overnight but it can change one day at a time.
My Wish
I wish the stigma about alcoholism could be dead and buried, and alcoholism understood and accepted for the illness that it is.
I’m a recovered alcoholic, sober since my first meeting in 1994. I wish that every AOD worker would attend at least one meeting, and/or read the basic text of the program, to educate and inform themselves of this wonderful way of life and incredible worldwide fellowship based on love and service.
The 12 steps are a way of life, rather than an abstinence program. A spiritual way of life based on ancient and ageless, timeless principles that people who live well have used for thousands of years. Who wouldn’t want to live a life based on principles such as honesty, hope, surrender, courage, integrity, willingness, humility, love, responsibility, discipline, awareness, and service.
It astounds me that the AOD sector systems will put people on 10 week waitlists to see one counsellor and not refer each and every one of those people to meetings, so they may access help and support immediately. The help is available 24/7 via online platforms as well as every day of the year in face to face meetings, including public holidays and weekends, when funded services are closed. Too many alcoholics are dying when there is an incredible free and confidential service available. The evidence is there, it’s still around 89 years after it began.
The attempts by those in authority to police our language also hurts. We’re told we’re not allowed to use our language and our words. Words like alcoholic and addict help us to define and understand our problems but attempts to silence our language only serve to further stigmatise and marginalise people who have these afflictions. Please don’t tell me what words I can and can’t use to describe and understand myself and others.
I wish the stigma about alcoholism could be dead and buried, and alcoholism understood for the illness that it is.
From Lit to Lightbulb
22-23 years of age, 6 years of playing semi-professional football, to stopping all of a sudden with a loss of love for the sport.
After excessively binge drinking every weekend for 6 years at every event, function and game, alcohol slowly found its way into my everyday life.
It was used as a switch-off device by myself and a treat if I had finished one small task.
This quickly led to a couple of beers after work because I deserved it, to drinking alone every night. Watching myself slowly become addicted.
After trying to stop multiple times, I set myself some goals with the help of my partner.
I slowly moved past my addiction with exercise, soda water, alcohol free drinks and a supportive partner and family.
I definitely experienced the stigma when I first stopped drinking. There were a lot of questions like, “why?” and “how come?” and a lot of comments like, “oh that’s no fun”, or “you used to be fun”. This came from all aspects of my life.
I had to avoid a few people who I thought were good mates. They didn’t quite understand where I was at with it all and pressured me and kept buying alcoholic drinks for me.
I just kept my ground and drank non-alcoholic beers.
A quick way I dealt with this problem was to buy my own drinks, and even get 2 non-alcoholic cans and pour them into a pint glass to get the feel of holding a beer in my hand and to stop questions of “what’s that?” and “why aren’t you drinking?”.
At the football club, it’s a social normality to drink after a game.
When I was asked why I wasn’t drinking, I explained my situation to a fellow mate behind the bar he asked how the club could support me. They then ordered in non-alcoholic beers and had them readily available for me. From then on, at functions and after games, most of the boys wouldn’t even know I wasn’t drinking alcohol with them, and it just became the new normal for me.
Since overcoming my addiction to alcohol, I’m enjoying playing footy again and being around a supportive club, and I’m even coaching a team. I have gone back to TAFE to study, and I found myself a good job which I love. I am thriving.
I have since dabbled back into drinking some alcohol. But before I did, I had some serious talks with my partner about it and even set myself some ground rules. (Like no week-day beers, and never ever drink alone). This is working well for me and my situation.
Throughout my journey I have seen and experienced a lot of stigma around alcohol.
It got me thinking that our society is largely built around alcohol and drinking culture. I have seen this in the sporting world and even everyday life like going out for lunch with friends.
I was at my most vulnerable state during the pandemic and as soon as covid lock down restrictions were lifted, we were urged to get back into pubs and settings where alcohol was at the forefront. But was there any consideration for how much of an impact that would have on people like me at the time?
Trapped in a Nightmare
I started using substances and drinking just before I hit 18.
I didn’t know I had an addiction problem, I thought I was just a rebel teenager.
I couldn’t get out of the vicious cycle, a tangle, stuck, trapped, hell of a nightmare – the drink and drugs took over my life.
It took over all of me.
No control.
I went to a youth program in the city to get help.
I worked hard to gain my control back.
Since becoming a mum eight years ago I’ve been clean off meth and weed.
I want to be a role model for my kids and for them to have a life that I didn’t get.
Gill, Just an ordinary Suburban Mum
- Her Story -
My thirst for alcohol developed in my early teens when I discovered that it altered how I felt. At the age of 15, I also developed a smoking habit and for the next few decades I drank and smoked myself silly. It never occurred to me that I was using alcohol and cannabis as medication. I just did it without thinking. When I reached my 50th birthday I came face-to-face with my deep unhappiness. By then, I had already stopped smoking thanks to two pregnancies. But there I was with two teenagers who were watching me pour wine down my neck every night and waking me up during a family movie to tell me that I’d missed the best bit! The booze made me very cranky, and I was in the never-ending cycle of wishing for it to be five o’clock so that I could switch my mind off with a large drink. I began to feel extremely guilty about the type of role-model that I had become for my kids. I imagined how I might feel if they also started looking for happiness in the bottom of a bottle. After much rumination and a few weeks of abstinence here and there, I finally decided that the best option for me and my family was to stop drinking completely. Of course, that brings its own challenges. I soon felt the raw feelings creeping in. The pain of a difficult childhood that I had been numbing for decades reared its ugly head. I sought help. I found AOD (Alcohol and Other Drug) support services and, after a few weeks on a waiting list, I finally got the help that I so desperately needed.
The first step in my recovery journey was admitting that I had a problem. The second was opening up to the counsellor at the AOD support service who recommended I attend their weekly women’s group. Through the group I found connection that made me feel more worthy. I learnt healthier strategies for managing my anxiety and stress, not just from the educational component of the group sessions, but also from the women themselves.
Addiction does not discriminate. It can happen to anyone. It is just one of the ways in which some people survive the trials and tribulations of their lives. While it is often difficult for people around us to watch us grapple with addiction, compassion and non-judgement are two qualities that are extremely helpful. When a person is stuck in the dark hole of addiction, they are often heavily burdened with awful shame and self-loathing for being in that hole in the first place. When we see a helping, caring hand being extended towards us, we are given hope that maybe, just maybe, we might get to climb out of that ugly place towards the light of a brighter future.
I am so grateful for the support that is available to us as it really does save lives.
It takes strength to ask for help but it is a choice that we never ever regret in recovery.
Remember, if you feel you are in need of help or guidance around alcohol and other drugs or mental health challenges, you can visit our resources tab for a full list of supports available to you.
